Final Catasy
by Francorum Edictis
Summary: *Sneeze* Cats. Oh no. What will Snow and Sazh do?
1. Sneeze

**1.**

"Oh no, I'm a cat!" screamed Fang, trying desperately to pick up the kappa maki in front of her. She had been waiting for Lightning at her favourite sushi joint when it happened. She was just sitting there, minding her business, when she got a call.

"Hey, it's me", said the caller.

"Mmm, sup Hope?"

"Van-Van is dead. Found her on the couch this morning."

"Reals?"

"Yeh, weird thing is.. She's a cat"

"..."

"And so am I"

Suddenly, Fang sneezed, and she turned into a cat.

"Damn, we're all cats", said Fang.

"Shit's cray, right?" meowed Hope, somewhat distantly. "Snow and Sazzles are on the way now. Snow's got a cat, y'know? Says he can look after us."

Fang slipped her phone into her cat pants. She wasn't wearing any though, so she just left it on the table.


	2. Threefiddy

**2.**

"That'll be 350 gil", said the shopkeeper emotionlessly.

"THREEFIDDY?!", screamed Snow, placing the money on the table.

He called out to Sazh across the shop. "SNAZ! HOPE CALLED, SAID SOMETHING ABOUT BEING FLAT. LET'S GO CHECK IT OUT"

They jumped into the car, yo-yos and crisp packets falling into the street as they opened the doors. It was a three-hour drive to Hope's pad. They listened to the radio as they drove. "THE PROTAGONIST IN ME!" sang Snow.

Sazh's phone rang. He let it go to voicemail.

_"Snaz-pop, it's Light. Hope told me what happened. By the way, you know he's a DJ now? How's that gonna work? Anyway, come pick me up."_

"IT IS CRUSHING THROUGH MY VEIINNNSSSS."

Looking concerned, Sazh turned towards Lightning's house.


	3. Cutlery Drawer

**3.**

They arrived a little after 6, just as the sun started setting. Sazh tried the doorbell. No answer. The door was locked. He walked around to the side window. Hope always left it ajar - it helped circulate the air through the kitchen when he baked. Peering through, Sazh noticed that the ground was covered in milk. The carton was laying on its side nearby.

With Snows help, he lifted open the window. Snow was mumbling some song. 'Fall into a tree'. Maybe it was 'volatility'. Something like that.

Sazh crawled through the window and opened the front door for Lightning. In her arms was a small, white-haired cat.

Hope looked at Sazh's boots. "Sorry 'bout the milk, Sazzy. Dropped it when I turned. Scared me too, so I ran outside. Forgot my keys though."

He jumped to the floor, and trotted through the door. "Have you ever rubbed yourself against a tree, Snow?", he asked. "Feels pretty good aye."

"EVERYBODY'S GONNA WANNA RIDE YOUR CHOCOBO", replied Snow.

A moment later, Fang showed up. "Poof! I'm here!"

"Hey Fang, Vanners is over there, ok? Ok" said Hope.

Fang ran over to the couch and jumped up, lying by Vanille. The rest of the crew went into the kitchen. Lightning was still standing outside.

"So, what should we do? Any ideas?" asked Sazh.

Hope glanced over to the space occupied by the TV.

"Well, I don't watch much TV. Not since Dad left, anyway. There's enough space for a scratching pole. Maybe even a little bed."

Snow scratched Hopes chin affectionately.

Sazh sighed. "But there has to be something we can do. I mean, we can't just stay here and look after you. I got priorities, man. Gotta look after Dajh. Finish off that huge crossword I've been working on. You know?"

Hope looked over at Snow expectantly. "Snow, you said you have a cat, right? Can you help out?"

Snow walked over to the fridge, then to the cupboard, screaming 'YEA' as he opened the cutlery drawer.

"Sweet, that settles it Sazapple. Snow looks after me and Fang, you look after Dajh, and we still get to meet each Sunday for lunch."

"Yeh, we'll see", replied Sazh. He wore a worried look. He knew, for whatever reason, that things would be different from now on.

Snow sat back down just as Fang leapt up onto the table. Hope did an awkward jiggle. Sazh sighed again.

"So, what do we do about Va'nay'nay?" asked Fang. She looked over at Hope.

"Chocolate milk. She liked chocolate milk, right? Maybe if we feed her some, something'll happen. I dunno. Let's just try it."

Sazh got up and went to the fridge, searching for chocolate milk.

"Hope?" he asked, opening the vegetable drawer.

"Check the freezer"

After the milk thawed, they brought it over to Vanille, still lying on the couch.

"SHE LOOKS SO CUTE WHEN SHE SLEEPS?", whispered Snow. Fang and Hope exchanged awkward glances. Sazh sighed. Lightning, still outside, rolled her eyes.

Snow placed the milk down next to Vanille, admiring Hopes upholstery as he did so.

Sazh looked confused. "What now? Do we just.. Wait?"

"I guess so," said Hope. "I mean, should we feed it to her somehow?"

Lightning decided to come inside to see what was going on. "Hey Hope. How're you gonna.. y'know.. DJ? I mean, you've got no thumbs. Don't you need to move little knobs and things? I saw an add for a new touchscreen the other day. Maybe you could get one of those? I dunno. Do paws even work on touchscreens?" She pulled out her phone and sat down next to Hope. "Here, touch this."

Hope swatted away the phone, trying to focus on Vanille. Lightning could be rather insensitive sometimes. Music suddenly started playing from the phone.

"Hmmm, I suppose it does work", said Lightning to herself.

"IT'S CHOCO-LOCO STYLE IN A CHOCO-RODEO" sang Snow.

After a while, they all gave up on Vanille and went back into the kitchen. Lightning went back outside, sitting down this time.

Hope went to check his watch. He didn't have one. It must've fallen off when he dropped the milk. He asked Fang the time. It was nearly 9. "Well, I guess we should just call it a day? Maybe if we sleep on it, something will change by morning."

Sazh grunted in agreement.

"Snow, you stay here. We need you to set up the kitty litter", continued Hope. "Cause.. You know. You have a cat. What's its name by the way?"

"Snow", muttered Sazh.

"WHAT?" asked Snow.


	4. Darkness

**4.**

I got home just after 10; the washing machine had just finished tumbling as I walked through the door. An ominous beep echoed throughout the dark void in my flat.

_Beep_.

I never did like a lot of furniture. I ventured through the darkness, avoiding the small breakfast table on the right. I could see the faint silhouette of a plate and glass on the table.

_Beep_.

I must've forgot to put them away after lunch today. Odd, I normally put them straight in the sink. Must have been that call from Hope that distracted me.

_Beeeep_.

I continued to the laundry room, making sure not to knock over the vase Serah had bought me last summer. She came round one morning, unannounced, carrying a large wrapped box. I wasn't too fond of the vase. It made the flat feel cluttered. But I wasn't the type to reject a gift.

_Beeeeep. _

I stood there for a moment, trying to make out the shape of the vase in the darkness. I suddenly noticed something was missing, though I wasn't quite sure what. Something that was here just a moment ago was now gone. Oddly, the air grew heavier despite it's absence.

_Silence_.

The machine had stopped its beeping.

_Silence_.

Standing in the midst of darkness, the dark air weighing a ton on my shoulders, I asked myself: _'but what if they don't make touchscreens for cats?'_


	5. Fudge

**5.**

"Oi Hope, got any cucumber?" yelled Fang, standing in front of the unopened fridge.

"Dunno, check the freezer."

"Can't, aye"

"Oh yeh. Snow, check the freezer, would ya?"

Snow rolled awkwardly into the room, thinking about his earlier dream. _Bubbles? Bubbles... Yeh. That was it. Bubbles._ He reached for the fridge door, but hesitated. Something in the corner of his eye had caught his attention. Hope's watch was lying on the ground. He opened the freezer. There was no cucumber.

Snow picked up Fang and walked over to the couch. It had been a tough night. Hope and Fang had left around midnight, and only returned after sunrise. Hope had killed a bird to give to Lightning as a gift. He knew how she liked gifts. Snow glanced over at the TV. Hope was laying underneath it, toying with some wires. Fang joined him soon after. They stayed there for a few hours, playing. Snow watched.

A little after 6, Sazh climbed in through the window.

"Hey, I brought fudge. Fang likes fudge, right?"

Nobody answered. Sazh walked through the kitchen, and motioned to Snow to come and talk to him. Snow eagerly complied.

"Snow, I was thinking.." started Sazh. "We should teach them tricks. Hope is pretty bright. Fang is, well. Determined. I think they'd be quick learners. I read on the web last night that you can enter competitions. Cash prizes. There's even a competition in Eden. All expenses paid. Dajh loves it there man." He fidgeted with his Chocobo while Snow slowly processed everything.

"WILL THERE BE BOOT?" asked Snow eventually.

"Boot?"

"FOOD"

"I dunno. Probably. I mean, it's a big city, right? People gotta eat"

"YEH" replied Snow.

They returned to the TV room. Fang and Hope had given up on the cables. Hope was still lying under the TV, asleep. Fang was nowhere to be found. Hope seemed to be dreaming.

"It's all or nothing.. Come on, Light!" he muttered.

Sazh placed down the fudge. Fang immediately ran into the room. Sazh unboxed the fudge, and put the box on a nearby table. Fang leapt at the box, ignoring the fudge. Sazh sighed.

"So, I suppose we should start with sitting," said Sazh. "Fang. Sit."

Fang didn't sit. She was too preoccupied with the box. Sazh sighed.

Hope woke up and noticed the fudge. He walked over to Sazh. "You brought that?" he asked.

"Yeh, so what?"

"Where's the box?"

Sazh sighed.

"Sit."

Hope sat.

Sazh smiled and patted Snow on the back.


End file.
